Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
