i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this boner is exhausting
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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