Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
