Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
