it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
