I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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