this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
