I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think your dad took our porno
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
