Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They took my balls.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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