The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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