Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This house was built for laser tag.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
