we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
