hotel room ftw
nut hugger
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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