all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
