when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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