My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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