don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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