I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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