I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
