I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
