you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
