Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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