Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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