Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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