I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
