So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
