Can i not drive my cunt home
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
