I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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