2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
