Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
