You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
