Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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