so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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