Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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