Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
