we're chasing vodka with high fives
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
