At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
