so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
