singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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