a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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