At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
