The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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