you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
