the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
