if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
