btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
