Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
