gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
