if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
