so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
