Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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