im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
