dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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