i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's blow job season.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
