If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
