Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
