His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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